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Syllabus week: Five Blind Dates

By: Kennedy Fana

That nerve-wrecking moment when a college student creates their schedule for their next semester is the same feeling someone gets when they are out on a blind date. The process is almost identical.

A date is arranged by a mutual acquaintance, or your advisor, and both participants agree to meet up at a designated place and time. Except, our version is a florescent- lit classroom rather than a candle-lit dinner. Like any other date, you do some research before you get there. Whether it’s stalking their Instagram or doing an intense search on rate my professor, you always want to find out a little bit about them.

Then comes the date, or the first day of class. You figure out if you can see a future with this person, or professor, and if things go really bad you just block their number and pretend it never happened. Or in our case, drop the class. So, syllabus week, it’s basically five blind dates. 

The average college student takes 15 credits a semester, that’s if you haven’t changed your major three times like I have. We are limited to finding our perfect match before the end of the week, leaving us with little time to determine if this class is a bust.

It’s like going on five blind dates in the matter of three days, and that’s a lot of pressure for someone who barely knows how to find their way around campus.  But the hopefulness that students feel in the beginning of the semester gives us such a high.

We buy new planners and colored pens for our notes, in hope that this will be the best semester yet. After all, I color-coordinated my schedule, I’m basically a new person. 

If you think people on blind dates are judgy, you’ve never met a college student during syllabus week. We analyze everything! From the way the professors speak, to the way the vibe the classroom is portrayed. But let’s be practical: a blind date can be much more enjoyable than an hour lecture on the stages of mitosis or whatever else cells do.

It’s our responsibility to determine if this professor is someone you can picture spending three hours a week with, or if it’s going to be as short lived as Kim Kardashian’s marriage to Kris Humphries. 

Although some blind dates turn out great, there are way more horror stories than wedding bells ringing. The chances of things going perfect are so slim, leaving an endless amount of cringy stories. I honestly can’t even tell which is worse, your date “leaving his wallet at home” or your professor timing his jokes to correlate to his PowerPoint. I’m sorry sir but, “I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best one’s argon” is not funny. Also, no one ever believes the wallet story, dude. 

The first week of class is just like when your friend is scheduling your blind date. She’s been telling you about her super-hot coworker who plays sports and has a bangin’ body. You put on that Armani black dress that you found at Marshalls for $24.99, and head out to the address she texted you. Turns out that this “super- hot” guy actually plays E-sports and is a huge science nerd. Maybe you should have paid attention to that lecture about mitosis, or whatever else cells do again. 

I find myself looking for the same qualities I look for in a partner, in my professor. Yeah, it may sound crazy, but I want someone who is reliable, honest, mature, and who has a great sense of humor. Lord, I can’t tell if I want to date my stats professor, or that new guy I matched with on Tinder. 

Every college student has a unique experience, that one day we will drunkenly tell our kids about.

Whether its streaking across campus or making valedictorian we each have a story to share. Some crazier than others, but each student can attest to college being one of the best experiences ever.

It prepares us for “the real world” so to speak, and if you’re lucky enough, you may have a job once you leave. But the real reason why most of us put ourselves into thousands of dollar’s worth of debt is to learn valuable information. Whether you are majoring in math, history, or even English, make sure you pick a great class, and an even better professor. 

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