What Even Is A Boundary?

By Amelia Vasquez

There is far too much to be said about the way youth has changed throughout the years.

Figuratively speaking, when we sign the contract titled ‘What My Twenties Will Be Like’ there are bolded red letters that say I acknowledge that I will be clumsy, will mess up a million times over, and will get back up with yet another lesson tucked into my belt.

This contract seems to have gotten lost in the pile of other agreements we make with ourselves and our peers. By using terms that are better left to professionals for delegation, we distance ourselves from the messiness of young adulthood.

It is much easier to plaster big titles onto our interactions and experiences than it is to humbly accept that they are a product of our humanity.

Photo Credits: Adobe Stock

Q: What was your first relationship like? I’ve never been in one, so I’m curious!

A: I was in a long distance situationship for five years. Sure, we were only 17, but we were trauma bonded because they used to gaslight me whenever we had disagreements about where to have lunch. Thankfully, I decided to go no-contact because it was disrespectful of them to not be mindful of my boundaries. Like, I already said I’m protecting my peace right now. Anyway, please don’t ask me about it again, it triggers me to talk about it.

Quite the long-winded response for quite the simple question.

Twenty-something year old ridiculousness disguising itself as wisdom, a concept that is not lost on any of us right now.

The first key element to note within this interaction is that the answer to an elementary question is completely detached while also creating a sensation that the individual providing the answer has lived countless lifetimes and has learned many lessons. The second is the complex language used to depict what would otherwise be seen as selfish, as enlightened.

One must assume that a question like this must have been asked by a friend or acquaintance hoping to gain some insight as to what this individual’s life has been like or even find some point of relatability between the two of them.

Instead, they were met with a cold, self-centered response. Perhaps there was no malicious intent behind it, but the vulnerable moment that could have allowed for a safe friendship to blossom was left unanswered.

Q: I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it to your birthday party. I have tons of homework to get through, and midterms are coming up. Is there any way I can make it up to you?

A: You are being such a narcissist. I can’t believe you would weaponize something like school so that you wouldn’t have to hold space for my birthday.

It is said that community requires sacrifice.

Can the same be said when the sacrifices we are asked to make by our peers put our own priorities in jeopardy?

We constantly jump rope on the line between selfishness and selflessness. This is no crime, as each of us during our time on Earth must choose between one or the other at our own discretion.

Curiously, though, this kind of interaction gives us an insider’s view into a new layer of unnecessary niceties that have slowly sprinkled into our relationships.

A fair reason is provided for absence, and an opening for closeness is once again graciously provided. Rather than jumping at the opportunity to support a friend’s journey toward success, we see another person’s commitments as a threat to our own.

Graphic Credits: The Buccaneer Staff

In turn, we miss out on what could have been a day at the park, a trip to our favorite beach, or a night at our favorite restaurant. To add insult to injury, we mischaracterize another for simply making an attempt to be decent.

We call them a narcissist, which the Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes as “an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance,” for deeming their degree more important than a birthday, alongside other misconstrued terms.

The language we use to express our distaste with something our friends, acquaintances, or loved ones have said or done with no ill will reshape reality into such.

Our perception of others is morphed into something much uglier and offensive than it actually is.

In the end, we eventually become alienated from them altogether.